A Surreal Life Moment...

So earlier today I was thinking about one of the coolest things i'd ever done, and I decided i'm going to share it with you because I like telling the story so much:

August 1, 2008 6:00 p.m.

I am on my way to a friends birthday party when my friend Bryan calls me.
"You want to go to Disneyland?"
"YES!!!"
"Okay, we're leaving tonight. See you at the party!"
"Wait, wha-" click.


3 hours later I found myself in a car with my friends Bryan, Cindy, and Megan bound for Disneyland on I-50 S. The reality of what was going on did not necessarily click. We stopped in St. George where I started driving. I drove from St. George to the Buffalo Bills rest stop a few miles outside of L.A. I remember having this insane battle from 1- 3 a.m. with this Minivan. We would pass each other at reckless speeds as we cruised along in the middle of NO WHERE Arizona/Nevada. I remember it was a man driving and his kids were watching "Finding Nemo." He started getting dirty by keeping his brights on as he passed me... so i returned the favor.

We reached Las Vegas and he got into the far right lane to exit. I looked over and he turned the inside car light on and waved a "goodbye and thanks for the entertainment" wave, and I did the same back. We reached Buffalo Bills at 4 a.m. And I switched to the front seat as Bryan got in the drivers seat, he was the only one that wanted to drive through L.A. We got off on Exit 3 for Ball Rd. and drove towards Harbor Blvd. We reached the "moment of extreme anticipation." This "moment" is at the top of a we little hill, and just when you're at the top you can see the Matterhorn Mt. Rollercoaster. Screams broke out from the car as Bryan stepped on the gas. I was just WAITING for a cop to pull us over for speeding... would be all too typical.

We parked in the Pinocchio section of the Disneyland parking lot. There, we got dressed, brushed our teeth, and surveyed our situation. Reality had not sunken in just quite yet. We took the precious lil tram over to the Disneyland gates. We got our (then $60) tickets for just Disneyland and not California Adventures and waited in line until the park opened at 8 a.m. The park opened and we clawed our way through the gates and skipped down main street. We then ran over to "Space Mountain." It was when we got off that we all just sat there... wind blown........ we were in DISNEYLAND. Probably the oddest sensation i've ever had. I actually DID something spontaneous.

Later that day I called my mom and decided to tell her where I was. You see, none of our parents knew we'd gone and it was quite the deal then because we were JUST out of high school. So I call my mom and the conversation goes as follows:

"Hey Mads, what's up?"
"Oh.... nothing....." Snicker Snicker
"What're you up to?"
"Oh.... nothing in particular... just, waiting in line for the Snow White ride."
"What?"
"I'm in Disneyland!"
"No you aren't..."
"Yeah I am!!! Bryan, Cindy, Megan, and I drove here overnight."
"Oh my god you guys are crazy........ have fun.... I HATE YOU! haha"


We proceeded to have a fun filled day of overpriced chocolate muffins, rollercoasters, Disney magic, and pure joy. We had reached nirvana without DYING. haha. We left Disneyland around 1 a.m. and slept at some crappy motel until noon the next day and drove home.


Disneyland in a weekend.

Full to the brim with awesomeness.

East side Po Po

The police department of Salt Lake City's east side is BORED. They have to be. Instead of trying to crack down on the underground meth society of Salt Lake, they decide to just bust parties. 

Here is the story:

Last night I went to my friends house (the apostles) for a triple kegger they were hosting. There were quite a few people there already at 8:30 and by 10:30 the house was completely packed. Then, by 12:30 the house was full ready to explode. And what do you know, it did. I was standing in the upstairs area when all of the sudden this huge fight broke out for no reason but human drunkeness. Nobody really knows. There was just a lot of kicking, punching, and blood flying all over the place. It got on my arm, face, pants, and sweatshirt. Preeeeeettty gross. So then the fight broke up and everyone calmed down... then it started again and got taken out to the front lawn.

That's when the neighbors called the po po. 

Then the police show up and I walk out the front door. Because if you start running to the back/side door and jumping windows while spazzing out, they are going to take notice. So I act all chill and I start walking out of the front door and a policeman points his flashlight in my face and says, "Are you the owner of this house?"

"No."

"What happened?"

"Just some idiots trying to prove their masculinity." and I kept walking until I got to my car on the other side of the street. I sat outside of it trying to get ahold of my friends who were hiding in the basement somewhere. So I look at the other side of the street and this kid, who was at the party, goes walking up and the cop gets right in his face and the kid says, "Hey man... what happened?"

"I'M A COP YOU GOT A PROBLEM WITH THAT HUH?!?! HUH?!?!"

"Oh whoa, no man..."

"I'M A COP YOU GOT A PROBLEM WITH ME? HUH PUNK? IS THAT IT?!" 

"No no... "

"Time to get home, GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE!" 

Then the angry and stereotypical cop looked at me and yelled, "GET THE FUCK IN YOUR CAR!"

And I did. haha. And that is where my episode with the po po ended that evening, but my friends had some more tales about the asshole cops. Those are so explicit, that they shall not be shared on the internets. :)

Farewell! 

Sometimes life hates you

You know when the cosmos is telling you that you shouldn't live today and you do anyway?

This is my tale of a realistic series of rather unfortunate past-life karma induced events:

I am walking down to the Utah Museum of Fine Arts to do a review on an art gallery when I decide to cut across the main concrete path and walk down this wee little hill that's covered in grass and mud. I'm walking down, things are going great when I slip and fall on my ass with my arms swinging around all over the place like a loon. And where did I fall? Or rather, into WHAT did I fall? Into a big awesome section of muddy sludge. So, with mud on my pants and determination for a good grade in my head I continue on my way (now on the concrete path) laughing about my greatness. Just when I was internally giggling about my glorious display in the mud, my ankle rolls and I face plant into the snow while scraping my left knee on the concrete. All that ran through my head was... woooooooooow.

After my UMFA adventures I was walking up to the Union building to catch the shuttle ride up to the dorms when I puked. Full on. In a bush. Awesome I tell you. Awesome. Now I think I have the flu because my stomach is still a bit queezed. So I get on a shuttle to discover that there is a "shuttle driving trainee" manning the bus. I spent the whole ride falling over people while people fell on me as we swung about clinging for dear life. The suffering from the new drivers' wrath did not help the stomach situation. I tried to suppress the spreading of my possible flu, but it was kind of hard seeing as how the contents of the bus resembled a big mass of tangled bodies...... probably because it was. 

Sometimes, the cosmos is out to get you. Today... bad karma day. What the hell did I do in a past life to deserve this chain reaction?

Banned Books

I found a website that has a list of the most banned books ever and the reasons as to why... it is really........... funny. I love how OFFENSIVE "The Diary of Anne Frank" is.  :)

Enjoy:

title.forbiddenlibrary.com

Porn Industry Wants a Bailout Too! :)

Well let's not forget that everyone has been thrown off of their usual course due to the economy. Many people have to make great sacrifices... for example: canceling or limiting subscriptions to Hustler and limiting Pornflix hits. You would think that because of the economy, the porn industry would have a substantial growth in its business, however it has gone to a negative turn! Or, at least, according to the attached link. 

Yes ladies and gentlemen, the porn industries are asking for a 5 billion dollar bailout. Seeing as how they are a beneficial part of American society, it seems only fit that their demands be met. Come on guys... let's stop the online porn-pirating and ease back to the classique magazines eh?

Let's help an American business in need. 

The Godhead and Disciples of Cinema

And so, after much deliberation, I have narrowed my choices for my favorite LIVING female actresses to three. These three, I shall dub my Female Godhead of the Living Cinema. They are as follows (in no particular order):

1) Meryl Streep

2) Bernadette Peters

3) Emma Thompson

But what would a Godhead do without Disciples? Sure these disciples do not necessarily expound the gospel of the Godhead, but what religion REALLY sticks to what is written anyway right?

The Four Disciples:

-Sigourney Weaver: this honor has been bestowed upon you due to your diligence as you sliced through Yale at the same time as Meryl Streep, your valiant demeanor as you torched and blew up aliens and was a key participant in the biggest bitch fight in Cinematic history in the marvelous movie of "Aliens." And for your supreme bitchiness in the movies "Holes" and "The Working Girl." And you also get a bravery award. This award comes with the mere knowledge that you and Rick Moranis got it on in "Ghostbusters." Congratulations gate-keeper. 

-Gillian Anderson: you have been chosen as a disciple because of your excellence as Agent Scully in the X-Files series. You endured at least 6 or so years of Sci Fi television, and for that you are commended. You are also singled out to be great in the majestic role of Lady Dedlock in the mini-series of awesome "Bleak House." 

-Dame Julie Andrews: you are blessed with the rare gift of awesome. Such an awesome that can be taken in both the literal and slang terminology. You have been loved from My Fair Lady through your rebellious anti-Mary Poppins phase where you revealed your "dirty pillows" to the camera and now to your Disney empire. Ich liebe dich meine freunde. 

-Carol Burnett: How can words describe the adoration that is held for this comedian. Many children have been raised underneath her........ child-appropriate skits... *cough cough* and have molded the young minds of such crazed people like the humble creator of this post. 

May these women continue to be blessed with the power of AWESOME.

Amen.